This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. (1 John 4:10 NLT)

I was thinking last night and this morning about Jesus. Brilliant end and start to the day! Haha! But I was thinking about just how much He went through and how much God went through….

God created humanity and just wanted a relationship with us, but we kept screwing up, majorly, so much so God wanted to get rid of the Earth and everything He created because we kept disobeying and using God like a genie in a lamp, taking hold of what they wanted and then ignoring God again. If it wasn’t for a handful of TRUELY obedient individuals like Noah, the human race may not have even existed for this long!

And then eventually God decides, to send his son to Earth. As a human. To experience earthly struggles and pains. And then the ultimately showdown with the devil, He crucifixes His son, waits three days allowing everyone and even the devil think it’s all over – and then BOOM alive again! A little note to those that like saying ‘YOLO’ God kinda put an end to the YOLO when He raised Jesus from the dead! Ha! How awesome!

But Jesus went through the full spectrum of human difficulties whilst on earth; temptation, betrayal, humiliation, had people spread rumours, lies, had people let Him down, people only wanting to be around Him for what He could do etc.
AND after all of that He then had the physical pain of enduring all the beatings and abuse and then He was hung on the cross!!!
I don’t think I can ever get my head around it! I really can’t! I am so overwhelmed each time I sit and think about it!
But the fact that Jesus came and walked the Earth as a human being and experienced all the trials and tests that we do walking this planet – is somewhat a comfort to me. I can ask for His guidance and healing because He’s been before me!

Just a few thought today really

And just a huge thank you to God! I love you!

I have always loved the colour orange, and when I was a teenager at school I used to wear as much orange jewellery I could get away with, it used to reach up to my elbows! For me, orange represented who I was at that time! Little did I know it literally does represent me!

God said to me this morning ‘orange’ and I was like ‘okay my colour for today, rad.’ But it just kept going over in my head.
Orange. Orange. Orange. Orange.

Yesterday I looked up the meaning of my name; Samantha – Listener of God. And then this morning I looked up Orange – The power of listening to and hearing, seeing and doing the mind of Christ.
My name literally is orange!!!!

I listened to a beautiful sermon about keys yesterday, another thing God has spoken to me through (along with colour), and Rebecca spoke about unlocking results in change….and speaking to my friend, He said he wanted to unlock who he was….
And I honestly believe that is exactly what God has done this morning, he unlocked my ability to see this part of me, that has been with me for years but I never made the connection. But He did, bringing me closer, deeper, to Him!

I thank you Lord that You have always been with me, since day dot you have been a part of my life and walked beside me through life, each step, each stride, each stumble, each fall. I thank you for Your truth and revelation in my life! And I just pray for a continuation! I just pray for this truth You’ve revealed today, that as I draw closer to You, I will be able to hear You and see You more clearly in my life and in others lives! I pray that You can use me to fulfil your plans for this world! And I thank you in advance for the daily encouragements You will point out and reveal to me today! They really do mean everything! I love you Lord! Amen x

So yesterday I was super tired and didn’t make it to Sunday service. So God took matters into His own hands and introduced me to Ruth. I asked God which book I should read after I recently finished reading and studying Esther. He said Ruth. I said you sure? Not something like one of Paul’s letters or something. Then I logged onto my usually bible study/devotional site Shereadstruth and low and behold the current study was Ruth! Alright, I said, I get it!

I ended up reading and studying the whole of Ruth, I know it’s not a massive book but for anyone that knows me, I get distracted easily and I can struggle to study something for a solid amount of time. However, Ruth mesmerised me, into hours of study.

First of all, can I just say, isn’t Ruth such a babe! Like she loses her husband, has the option to go home to her family, but chooses to stay with her mother-in-law and travel to somewhere she doesn’t know and to a place full of people she doesn’t know!? She literally says, where you go I go, where you stay I’ll stay, your people are my people and your God is my God’ !!!

Ruth’s faithfulness to her mother-in-law enabled her to find work, support her mother-in-law, and eventually find a husband who bought the land rescuing both Ruth and Naomi from an uncertain future!

I could help but imagine how different it would have been if Ruth had headed home after her husband died, Naomi already headed back to her home town calling herself a new name, ‘bitter’! I’m guessing if on her own the outcome wouldn’t have been good! But Ruth stayed by her, radiated hope at her, loved her and provided for her!

So yeah, I love our Ruth, I think she’s a selfless babe and a real icon for the future generation! And I pray that there is a good chuck of Ruth in all of us!

So I’m a reader, I love books and I love magazines. But one of the things I struggled with months ago was reading magazines and spending money on something that was materialistic and I worried about idolising people in the magazines I was reading. So I stopped buying them.

Then one day a few months ago God drew my attention to one of my favourite magazines, Glamour. It was also one of the magazines I had stopped buying. But God kept drawing me to it!? I was a bit confused, but I bought it, took it home and read it. And one of the last pages was called ‘Holy-wood’ films based on biblical characters! I couldn’t stop grinning at this page! In a secular women’s fashion monthly! A whole page about Christian films!

I carried on not buying the magazines, but then the other day God did it again. He drew me to Glamour, so I bought it, and I read it. And there was an interview by Dawn O’porter where she interviewed her close friend about her faith! A whole interview! On being a Christian and what it meant to her and how she lives her life! I couldn’t believe it! It was so rad to read that in the magazine, but was also a combination of things I love God and magazine!

God is incredible! And these little things may not mean a lot to you. But it meant a lot to me, and God knew that! And He took the little thing that was precious to me and made a way for it to be in my life whilst influencing me in a good way!

I’m just a little shell shocked haha! He really IS in the detail! And in the details that mean so much to each individual. He knows our hearts and our desires and makes a way. Nothing is impossible for Him. And this is just the beginning…. Starting with something small….

This past week has been a tough one. I have been struggling with not feeling loved and being lonely. And this was topped off with the sudden absence of God’s normal presence in my life. He normally points out tiny visual things during the day and talks to me about them. What they mean for me, for another person or a situation. So when I was feeling lonely, I thought automatically – I’m not alone, God is always with me. But then nothing. I just kept waiting to see something, for Him to point something out. And after a few days of Him not, I got more upset. Oh my goodness, He’s not speaking to me either!? I thought God was suppose to be there through everything, even more so when things in life got really tough, and He wasn’t there!

This continued for more days, and I could feel myself getting more upset but trying to stay positive. But eventually it bubbled over – God! Where are you? You haven’t showed me anything in over a week! Are we not talking? Why aren’t you here? I miss talking!

Then He showed me, I felt a gentle tightening on my heart. He was holding onto my heart, His presence completely surrounding my heart. Then He said, I’ve been the protective layer around your heart since you initially felt hurt! I’ve been here the whole time. All my efforts were in keeping my heart protected and allowing it to heal!

Ahhhhh!!!

Say what? I felt like an idiot! He was there the whole time! And just because He didn’t talk to me the same way He usually did, didn’t mean He’d left me!

Sunday Ginny was preaching and said that the church was entering new realms but that God was saying, stay close you haven’t been this way before!
He’s leading us in new directions, He’s talking to us in new ways, He’s showing us new things as His children! His abilities are limitless.
As we worshipped on Sunday morning I just felt His presence just pour over me, so much so I felt like I was floating, flying, weightless. It was just me and Him. I was just singing straight to Him, face to face!

I learned a lot this week; don’t put Him in a box! Expect the unexpected! Never doubt Him! He WILL ALWAYS remain with you! There is no one like Him! Ever!

I always find Easter a bit of a strange time. I struggle somewhat with the concept of Jesus, whom I have a close relationship with, dying for us, and we celebrate His death.

Now I love Him and I am awestruck still that He sacrificed His life to take my sin away. And the freedom it has made a way for is incredible. But the pain He went through to do that, makes me feel shameful. It feels like no matter how much I do and follow what God tells me to do, nothing will be able to repay that pain for Jesus.

All I can do is see Jesus on the cross and know that it’s the ULTIMATE sacrifice, the ULTIMATE act of love! But then if He didn’t die on the cross I wouldn’t be in such an intimate relationship with Him. It’s all mind blowing.

But no matter how muddled my brain gets, the one thing I can rest in the crazy reality that God loves me. And my my, do I love Him!

Now am I trying to win the favor of men, or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I should not be a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah). (Galatians 1:10 AMP)

God has been reminding me of this verse a lot lately I believe as a reminder, see, I use to be the people pleaser. The person that always followed what others decided, always put other peoples needs before mine – not taking into consideration as to whether it was the direction God wanted me heading, and I never really voiced a great deal of my opinions or thoughts, or an awful lot really. My favourite phrases were ‘you decide’ ‘I don’t mind’ ‘I don’t know’

BUT God has been showing me the difference between helping others and just doing things to please others. And as God has been stirring up my spirit in new ways this past month I have been implanted with a courage I didn’t know I could have, a voice I didn’t know I had, and a determination to do Gods will that is empowering.

God didn’t call us to say yes to everything people ask and never fulfil His plans. He called us to say yes to all His plans and help people along the way. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying don’t help anyone and just focus on what you’re doing, but you can’t help everyone and worry about everyone liking you – there’s always going to be someone you couldn’t help or someone that doesn’t quite get it. But Paul said in Galatians it’s not a popularity contest – your not trying to impress man but God. We are here to glorify Him, and do His works which pleases Him!

So what I’m trying to say is, don’t feel like you have to please everyone. Don’t spend your time running around doing loads of things God hasn’t called you to do and miss the opportunity to do your very God calling! And if you aren’t sure how to stop people pleasing, just pray. Ask God for the wisdom and words to say to someone, and your brother or sister should rejoice in seeing you pursue Gods calling and not be offended that you couldn’t help them at that time.

So yesterday I went to church like I normally do. But within five minutes of entering the building I knew it wasn’t going to be a normal Sunday – my spirit began to stir. I seem to get this weird nervous feeling when God speaks to me and it’s not for me. And my my this stirring was going crazy and this nervousness was bubbling – I was almost in a panic.

And that when God told me to go hug someone. I know that doesn’t sound an awfully crazy and outgoing message for someone. But this particular someone was the very someone that over five weeks ago hurt me so much I didn’t want to ever speak to them again. I couldn’t even make eye contact.

God has been at work in my life over this last month. An amazing shift of focus, from searching for a guy to searching and seeking for God and His calling over my life! I have learnt more now about who I am than I’ve ever known all my life. But in doing that, re-focusing, I had kinda forgiven the person and decided not to speak to them so I wouldn’t get angry and lash out – therefore (in my little mind) I must of forgiven them if I was able to do that. But God had other plans.

So there I was casually having what felt like a panic attack as I told my friend, and as usually she did the right thing – linking arms with me and walking me to the particular someone. Ah!

We did hug. We did speak. I didn’t manage to speak anything that resembled English as my little brain into overdrive as to what to say – but I believe God enabled the important bits to be said. And I don’t know what this means. I am by no means healed entirely. But God has started the healing process, that I know full well I would not have initiated myself. Gods grace took over there. I can’t claim any of it. And I wouldn’t want to, only He can TRUELY heal us, I would be foolish to think I could fix things by myself. Only He would stay by my side when I went into a little shut-the-world-out situation for a week. Only He would be able to look at my hurt and know exactly what to say. Only He has the big picture! And in all that hurt and all that time I pushed Him away crying out ‘how could You allow me to get hurt like this?’ – it made a way for my relationship with God. A way that I held myself back from walking before. A closeness. Me handing over my heart, my life, all of me – for His purposes and plans! A faith. A real faith – the kind that manifests hope and trust. Something I am learning to fully place in God. It’s scary – the walking into the unknown. But I’ve now learnt what it TRUELY means to walk the path lit by His light. And it’s glorious! More that I could hope or imagine.

I love you Jesus!

Just a little post and prayer for today as later I am meeting some lovely ladies to attend a seminar type thing on the justice system in relation to human trafficking crimes. I’m really excited firstly as I get to spend some time with people who have the same heart as me and also to begin to build knowledge on the subject of human trafficking and allow God to use that knowledge to mould my purpose in this passion of my heart.

So I just lift this afternoon to you Jesus! I just pray that you just walk with us every step of today, we may not be law students but we have a heart for justice for your children, for our brothers and sisters! I pray that through today we will take away all the we need to build on our passion and that we can use it for your purposes and plans! And I just pray for the lovely ladies that are going Lord I just thank you for them! I thank you that you have placed people around me that encourage my hearts passions and that we can be there for each other! What we are pursuing – the abolition of human trafficking – it’s one of the biggest if not the biggest crime in the world and is an injustice against humanity driven by evil. So I just pray for Your protection over us, over our spirits, as we delve deeper into all of this that the evil won’t hinder our efforts! You are greater than all of it! I just pray that over those involved! They are no match to Your power and greatness! And justice will come! And the victims, those who are drenched in shame, lack of love, and immense pain – can and will be restored by You Jesus! You can give them the most overpowering love and worth in the whole universe! I just pray for the victims Lord that as each organisation and passion driven group take a step closer to abolition and saving them, just right where they are right now just shower them with love Lord. Let them see there is hope, grace and mercy. Let them see there is good in the world and You are the essence of that! Just reach out a wipe the tears from their cheek Lord! Love them Lord! I thank you for this immense passion and how much it’s bubbled up over the past year to step up and act on it! And I pray that through all we do may Your name be glorified and lifted to the highest of highs! I love you so much! Amen x

Over the last few days I have literally not been able to get the song ‘Let it go’ from the film Frozen out of my head! Specifically the words;

It’s funny how some distance,
Makes everything seem small,
And the fears that once controlled me,
Can’t get to me at all!

It’s time to see what I can do,
To test the limits and break through,
No right, No wrong, No rules for me!
I’m free!

This kinda rolls on from yesterday’s post, but I just love how God has been showing me this over and over! He knows what I’m like, and how sometimes I need something waved in my face a little for me to realise! Haha!

This speaks so specifically to where I am right now and what has been happening with my life. Things changed a month or so ago, so much so I had to pull back from some stuff and get some distance. And it’s true that distance makes all your problems seem small, that’s partly because the more you pull away from all the business the more you are completely alone with God. I have been able to refocus everything, review everything, and focus entirely on Him and His direction for my life!

The fear that once controlled me, is more like fears, plural, are something I have struggled with for years. But the amazing thing about drawing back so that it’s you and God, is that it’s only you and God. I couldn’t hide or pretend it wasn’t happening, all I could do was hand it to Him, almost immediately, meaning I wasn’t held captive by it all! A situation I am not use to at all! I have been set free so quickly it’s incredible! I’m still a bit stunned!

I have mentioned before my struggles with fear. One of my most human instincts is fear. And it’s the one thing I have handed over to God so many times, and yet still being fearful. And when this situation occurred a few weeks ago fear crept in. This one thing that happened changed the whole dynamic of how I had seen my life playing out. And I freaked out. The way I had seen my future, everything, had changed. And honestly I freaked and couldn’t take that to God, that one part of it all, stayed with me for a couple of weeks. But then did His work. His grace overflowed, His love poured out, His guidance and light flooding into my life and struck me with an awakening that shifted everything! He revealed passions of my heart, confirmed dreams and has begun to build a determination in me I have to say is awesome! He is still at work, immensely! But I’m in the dark room for development! I am seeking Him in a new way I have never before, and I’m excited! I’m in no way fearful, but have an excitement bubbling up, waiting for His next direction in His plans for my life! It’s crazy!

And like I said in yesterday’s post there are no limitations set by Him only the ones I put on myself; ‘oh I can’t do that’ ‘oh I can’t afford to do that’ ‘I’m not sure if I’m capable of that’ instead God is my strength and I can be whatever He needs me to be – which happens to be the very thing He has equip me to do anyway!

And now I’m at the exciting point where I get to see what I can do and break through the little limitations that I’ve put on myself! I am out to do Gods will and to glorify Him through pursuing the passions He’s placed on my heart! I can’t wait to see where He takes me! But all I can’t say, which I couldn’t honestly say before, is that I trust Him and I trust His plans! And I love Him so much!